Happy Birday Jenny

For the record, those balloons were filled with mayonnaise and hot water to mimic the properties of bird poo.

(Our apologies for the video being sideways. C'mon Apple, make it so a couple of birdbrains can figure out your software) 

Happy Birthday Jenny 2012!

Josh and I realized last year that celebrating Jenny's birthday was getting out of control, so we tried to just have a traditional low key celebration for Jenny this year.
A simple meal of cake, washed down with a bit of milk.

Not a 26.2 run at dusk.

In what was perhaps a misguided attempt to woo a girl I agreed to a Twilight Marathon. (It probably didn't work because I use words like 'woo')

....and as much as it destroys my credibility as a man to say this...they weren't horrible.

However, since so many women love these movies, I did my best to understand the insipid messages being weaved throughout a story of unending love and timeless devotion.....with vampires....and werewolves....and a Dakota Fanning that can do the Cruciatus curse.

Apple is the best pie

During church my sis-in-law Jenny was kind enough to help me brainstorm as to why I'm not married.

Apparently the big deal breaker (evidenced by the number of stars and arrows) is that I preferred the straight-backed hard chairs in Sunday School versus the padded and reclined chairs in Sacrament Meeting.

Mac and Cheese BFF

Some friends asked me to doodle a picture or two of macaroni and cheese for a project they are doing. Unfortunately for them, noodles and cheese aren't in my wheelhouse. Robots, missiles, and strangely proportioned people are about all I can muster.

So I went a different route. Maybe it wasn't what they were looking for, but I kind of enjoy it.

I love the idea that Mac and Cheese are best friends.

Cause really, together those two are just about the best.

sCRAPbook

I realize I'm a pretty lame person.
However, I'd like to show you Exhibit A in "Logan v. Haters" that demonstrates I'm actually pretty cool.
Ok, so when it comes down to it, its a scrapbook (shudder) that catalogs all of my concert ticket stubs, photos, set lists, blog posts, etc.

Its gonna be super cool and all y'all are gonna want to thumb through it.

Big 12

There is almost nothing I'd like to see more than for BYU to join the Big 12 in football.

If that happened then we would see a BYU / WVU showdown. My two favorite teams pitted against each other.

If it came to that I would be cheering for BYU, but only on the inside. On the outside I would be cheering for WVU purely because I want to hold a big sign at the game that says:

"Not all Mormons root for BYU"

I mean c'mon, that sign is awesome and would virtually guarantee a little TV time.

Varieties of this sign would also work if I were Catholic and didn't like Notre Dame. Or if I were a truly terrible terrible person, but I didn't support Utah.

PB#

Sammy, my niece, and I bought paint by number kits this past summer. She eventually went back to California and I toiled on alone for a time.
However, it didn't take long for paint by numbering (PB# for short) to take hold among my friends Janna, Jill, Cindy, and even Brigham.
Its the new thing everyone, get into it now before it sweeps the nation and then you can say, "I was doing it before it was a nation-wide craze."

BEFORE:


AFTER:

That reminds me of a story that happened 5 years ago...

During BYU's Education Week I typically walked around with a walkie talkie clipped to my back pocket. This was one of those heavy duty walkies that weighed a ton and had a decent range that reached at least as far from the Wilk to where I took naps at my apartment. (I figure the statute of limitations is over on that little bit of incriminating evidence)
So that is the background:
Anyway I went to use the restroom one afternoon during a class break and ended up standing in a queue to use the urinal. When it came to my turn (at the middle urinal of course) I unbuttoned my trousers and immediately had the weight of the walkie, still clipped to my back pocket, take my pants straight down to the floor....with about ten other bathroom goers standing immediately behind me.
What do you do in that situation?
If you're like me you just lean into the situation, act like you absolutely intended to have your pants on the ground, and then challenge society to rethink its stodgy antiquated urinal rules.

Not true

I recently had the pleasure of attending an intimate dinner party with one of the greatest actors of our generation: Mr. Tom Hanks.

The following is my account of the evening-

Location: Ranch-style home nestled within a small valley on a sprawling estate not too far from Ithaca, NY. Breathtaking.
Host: Arrived twenty-minutes late reeking of gin and with an armful of loose prescription pills.
Other Guests: Odd collection of east coast elite, personal family friends, and Hollow Earth theory adherents.
Home: Well maintained pre-war home with a modernized kitchen. The house tour was unfortunately cut short when host was required to "take care" of unexplained groans emanating from crawlspace.
Decor: A surprising number of antique wood-rimmed bicycles mounted on the walls. Eight by my count.
Hors d'oeurves: So-called "caviar" tasted suspiciously like flour-thickened dish water.
Salad: Contained an alarming number of bones.
Entree: A delicate chicken marsala served atop a bed of garlic and rosemary mashed potatoes. Truly first-rate.
Dessert: One exceptionally large candied apple that was shared communally.
Cocktails: When asked for a virgin margarita, host cracked one guest over the head with a pistol.
After Dinner Activities: An obviously drunk Hanks loudly challenging guests to Indian Leg wrestle.
Party Favors: Sweet, if not a bit unsettling, personalized shadow-box frame filled with guest's trash from previous week.
Conversation: Stimulating.

Thrifty Thief

I believe there is a special circle of Hell reserved for those that steal the CD out of its case at D.I.

Hey thief, you owe me a $2 copy of Kid A and whether its in this life or the next, I will collect.

A steadily growing list

I've been ruminating on this topic for some time now.

Happy Bee-day Jenny

Note: The stunts you are about to see were performed by professionals or while under the supervision of professional. Do not try this at home.

So the electric fly swatter didn't work out in quite the way we anticipated. We eventually had to have the other person force our fingers through the unelectrified outer-mesh to the current carrying and skin-sizzling heart of the swatter.

The old-fashioned manual swatter used execution-style worked wonders though. (Full-volume to hear how brave Josh was.)

Happy Bee-day Jenny!

A fine Amazonian wood endtable

I think the key of happiness in my life is striking a proper balance balance between what I want to be and what I'm supposed to be.
I love demolition derbies. I'd like nothing more than to whittle away my days at an endless grudge match and eventually expire due to complications resultant from inhaling exhaust fumes and excessive smiling. But "society" has deemed demolition derbies as so called 'white trash' and of little cultural worth. Thus I would be white trash and of little worth.
So I go to the opera and the symphony and enjoy those events. But then I drink a Mtn. Dew on the way home, which necessitates a visit to an art gallery....and so on and so on.

This is all really just prefacing my final statement, I used tape and cardboard to make a broken and discarded end table usable.


I'd say I'm due for a foreign film.
(Also it should be noted I finally own a couch)

Illustrate

I forget music sometimes. Even really really good music.
(Just rediscovered Harlem Shakes tonight, forgot that they're pretty much the best.)
And "Corazon" by Bishop Allen. Forgot that little song too.
I decided that if I could, I would choose "Corazon" to animate/illustrate.
Its just such a perfect narrative.
But as it turns out...drawing pianos is hard. Especially a piano so full of personality like Corazon.

Never tire of them

Books this time.
I have one postcard remaining...
Maybe I'll do movies next or plays.

The palace, not the butler.

I had to wait to post this til the recipient received it. Lest I ruin the surprise of yet another unsolicited rebus.
These are bands. Four of them. No Beatles.

The last collection of rebuses I put up was perhaps my favorite post ever. (Decision made: It is) I still draw them from time to time and until I get rid of the leftover postcards from my trip to Europe, I'll probably still be sending them out.

Tobacco Skin

Robots, song lyrics. Stagnant. This blog will become a breeding ground for mosquitoes.
But still, that's a robot with a guitar wearing a scarf.
If it weren't winter, he would actually be saying this:
"What? This? Oh, well when I brought this guitar over here, displayed prominently on my back, I didn't have any intentions of playing it. Weird that you would ask me about it. But sure, let me remove my ironic scarf and I'll play a Dashboard song or two. And then I'll let you feel the calluses on my finger tips."

He sings

He's been known to throw out some Jim Croce tunes as well.

For Lisa

I think they really dropped the ball on what could have been some pretty epic Ferngully sequels. Just sayin'